Mario has changed his name to Dragan

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Being a fat kid had taught me many things in life. An example of this is that I am not comic book or video game character.

Pantsless the Mad Scientist
Nothing is going to stop me from trying, though.

How I Met Your Mother is a hilarious TV show. During one episode, the characters need to pass the time. So, Marshall creates a new game, "Kid or Drunk?" To play the game he tells everyone an anecdote from his past, usually involving an obvious injury. Everyone then tries to guess if the story he told happened when he was a kid or a time when he was drunk.

Dragan Stevic of Serbia's story is obviously fueled by alcohol.

There was a shark terrorizing a beach in Egypt, which proves that Egypt has more than pyramids and the Nile, and those things will eat you. Dragan, who I will now start calling "Dragon" because it's awesome and my spell checker keeps bitching at me, decided to go for a swim while vacationing in Egypt. While blitzed, Dragon saw a high diving board. Naturally, that meant that he had to jump off it.

Dragon's friend Milovan Ubirapa said, "[Dragon] climbed on the jumping board, told me to hold his beer and simply ran to jump." Dragon landed on the shark's head, killing it. He later commented that "the water was not that soft."

Mario vs Shark
My rendition of what occurred. Note that all Dragon managed to get out of this encounter was 100 points and a hangover.

Shark got Mario-ed
The Aftermath

Dragon then went to the hospital due to alcohol poisoning rather than out to sea as shark poo. The resort gave him a free vacation, and the locals now refer to him as "Shark El Sheikh."

The funniest part is that Dragon is considered a hero in the area now. If he had jumped a second earlier or later, the headline would have been "Drunk Dumbass Tries to Fight Shark, Gets Eaten" rather than "Sharks Wary of Drunk Serbs." He's a hero only because of the fortunate timing of a drunken stunt. He can't even retell the story because he can't remember any of it even happening.

Maybe being awesome is in Serbian DNA.

I also know what would happen if I tried to fight a shark.

Legend of Zelda - Game Over Screen
Of course, all of these options imply reincarnation. Maybe I'll be Serbian in my next life.