ThanksKilling Drinking Game

It's no secret that ThanksKilling is probably my favorite movie. My ringtone is the theme song. My text message sound is Turkie saying "Gobble, gobble." (I cut the "mother fucker" part. I don't need that happening during a meeting with my boss.) When I got my DVD, I wanted to watch it again, but how would I get everyone to watch it with me again. They'd probably need to be drunk. Wait a minute!

The Game

A quick Web search brought me to the ThanksKilling Drinking Game. It's the only post that isn't "Hello World!" The post says:

Thanks Killing is a great movie… The list below will get you drunk... Please let me know if you have anything to add...

1: See Turkey

2: College kid meets demise

3: Anyone says Thanksgiving

4: Anyone Falls

5: Nudity

6: Bad one liners... (you will know when you hear it)

7: Turkey Swears

8: Beastiality

Drinking games have to be simple to remember. There are unrealistic ones that have a thousand rules, and there are the plausible ones. This doesn't seem too bad. I decided that I'd check it out. How many drinks will this games result in? Let's find out with a bottle of Wild Turkey.

The Tweaks

There are some rules that are vague. My count used these rules:

1. See Turkey Turkie
   • It doesn't count if it is part of the same scene. Otherwise, jump cuts would be fatal.
   • Turkie in the Sheriff disguise counts, but you may not recognize him if you're playing this game right.
2. College kid meets demise
   • Parents and the man who stops to pick up Turkie while hitch-hiking don't count.
3. Anyone says Thanksgiving
4. Anyone Falls
   • I didn't count when Billy rolled off the log laughing at Kristen or when Turkie is launched by a shotgun blast.
5. Nudity
   • I decided to include topless men once Billy took off his shirt. As I side effect, that meant I also included Grant.
   • Anyone naked but covering up counts (during the animation).
   • Ali isn't actually exposed at all during the sex scene.
6. Bad one liners... (you will know when you hear it)
   • Any pun counts.
7. Turkey Turkie Swears
8. Beastiality

The Data

See Turkie

• 0:50
• 8:51
• 14:00 (animated)
• 16:11
• 18:06
• 24:22
• 28:56
• 30:10
• 33:57
• 36:40 (disguised)
• 41:21 (disguised)
• 45:48
• 49:47
• 50:08
• 58:29
• 61:06
• 64:47

Total: 17 drinks

College kid meets demise

• 30:46 (Grant)
• 31:26 (Ali)
• 46:37 (Billy)
• 59:15 (Darren)
• 66:51 (Johnny)

Total: 5 drinks

Anyone says Thanksgiving

• 2:34
• 2:52
• 4:48
• 5:47
• 23:49
• 37:06
• 64:04

Total: 7 drinks

Anyone Falls

• 0:39
• 12:20
• 49:21
• 58:37

Total: 4 drinks

Nudity

• 0:06 (Naked Pilgrim)
• 2:33 (Billy)
• 13:23 (Feathercloud)
• 13:40 (Animated Pilgrim)
• 30:24 (Grant)

Total: 5 drinks

Bad one liners

• 0:50 "Nice tits, bitch!"
• 16:19 "I ax-identally cut him"
• 18:13 "Oh wait. I lied."
• 18:27 "I'm going to drink your blood like cranberry sauce, meanie!"
• 29:07 "Go deep, Johnny."
• 30:24 "pink pumpkin pie"
• 31:20 "You just got stuffed!"
• 38:09 "More like: you will die if it was for me."
• 41:48 "You kids are retarded!"
• 46:51 "Gobble, gobble, mother fucker!"
• 46:58 "Now that's what I call fowl play."
• 52:40 "What's that, Darin? A vagina?"
• 58:31 "You're done, bitch!"
• 61:31 "I always come back for seconds."
• 64:47 "Do I smell sequel, bi-yotch?"

Total: 15 drinks

Turkey Swears

• 0:50 tits
• 0:51 bitch
• 8:56 piss
• 8:54 fuck
• 18:21 fuck
• 18:23 bitch
• 31:08 shit
• 31:19 damn
• 34:50 fuck
• 35:26 damn
• 41:57 faggot
• 42:30 bastard
• 46:51 fuck
• 52:20 assholes
• 52:25 shit
• 52:30 fuck
• 53:09 fuck
• 54:00 fuck
• 58:31 bitch
• 62:15 fuck
• 62:23 fuck
• 63:16 fuck
• 64:47 bitch

Total: 23 drinks

Beastiality

• 24:53
• 30:56

Total: 2 drinks

Total of All Rules

78 drinks in about one hour!

Charts

I wrote all the data down. I may as well complete the nerd-dom and chart it out.

Results

Take shots of cheap beer. This might have to happen a few days before Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving itself will be reserved for ThanksKilling 2!

Most images in this article are from the official ThanksKilling photo gallery.